wider than anyone else on the stage.
chosen time to regal us
with tired words of
Crazy hurled around like an
keeping me in place.
He attacks their clothes,
looks to their bodies as signs of
own-ability and flirts
to get his way – in.
Archive for Phoenix
lately i”ve been thinking a lot about clothing.
i”ve gone through many wardrobe changes in my life – i like to imagine them as different costumes for the different roles i”ve had to play. there were the first years – lacy, frilly, all matching, already refusing to eat – a nice, sweet little pollyanna. innocent, and sexualized. i was loved. then i got older, fatter, more interested in lots of colors and loud, clashing patterns. i like to call this my punky brewster phase – a personal fav. but, i was “ugly” (i.e. – no longer a doll) and so – unloved. this realization brought on the stlye-depressed, no-interest-in-clothes-or-appearance phase – unloved and now invisible. i soon realized i was never going to get anywhere being the “ugly” girl, stopped eating all-together and wore all belly shirts, synthetic bright orange and brown shirts that clung to my body and the perfume “charlie”s white” (after my father”s name). i wasn”t loved… but i was sexy again. high school brought on the all-american girl phase (otherwise known as i-want-to-be-like-andie-mcphee-from-“dawson”s creek” phase) – loved. in college it was 50″s style dresses with white sneakers (while i dreamed of pumps) – loved. JCrew perfection – loved. all-black-all-the-time depression (opposite of the pollyanna i started with) -unloved but sexy. and finally the pop-punk pierced eyebrow with dyed hair phase (the grown-up punky brewster!) -unloved, and sexy.
What matters is the color of the floor,
unwashed and sticky
blackness, between the boards, the
sweat beading familiar and
wet on my hands,
the shape of her brow
as she smiles at me
more than she frowns, and
the times when I can say
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a�?how did you see ita��, and actually
listen to the words unwashed
and porous pouring from her mouth.