ACCLAIMED FILMMAKER & WRITER PAMELA TANNER BOLL, WHO CO-PRODUCED THE OSCAR-AWARD WINNING BORN INTO BROTHELS, SPEAKS WITH Paradigm Shift’s COMMUNITY OUTREACH COORDINATOR, JULIA K. WEIS, ABOUT WHY HER STRUGGLE BALANCING A CREATIVE IDENTITY WITH MATERNAL RESPONSIBILTY PROMPTED HER TO DIRECT HER FIRST DOCUMENTARY, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
CHECK OUT THE TRAILER ON PShiftTV HERE!
Q: For what reason did you create Who Does She Think She Is? What was your inspiration?
A: I have been a writer and painter for most of my adult life, but the fact is, I stopped writing and painting during college up until I was 32 years old. That was when I had my first child. For those years I didn’t do anything creative because I couldn’t imagine supporting myself as an artist and continuing to create new ideas. So, instead, I decided to work in NYC for a commodity trading company, then for a literary agency, and then for another company. After that, I got married.
I always wanted children, so I had a child and it completely changed my life. It absolutely turned everything upside down in a way that was remarkable to me. I was amazingly in love with this little boy that I had and yet as the same time scared I would do something wrong. I was scared of the responsibility of keeping him alive and I was very cognizant that it was me who was keeping him alive. I had never felt that kind of responsibility and utter love before.
I started writing again because I didn’t know how to make sense of all these feelings. At the time, though I didn’t realize it then, I was also experiencing a bit of post-partum depression and that was terrifying too. And so, I started writing a lot about being a mother and being pulled between the baby’s needs and my own. I quickly had two more sons.
When my oldest was about a year old, I felt I had to express this part of my life again. Long story short, I started doing these things and put aside my fear that I wasn’t very good at them. I started getting some recognition for my work. I taught at Harvard for a couple years, based on the strength of my essays and short stories. Still despite all of that I was feeling caught between the needs of my family and work. No matter where I was it felt like I was in the wrong place.
My boys became teenagers and all of a sudden I wasn’t at the center of their lives. I thought, Gee – what about my own life? I always imagined I would be a writer with five books published. I was terrified of growing older and having nothing to show for it other than these three beautiful boys.
And so, I heard of Maye Torres from Taos, New Mexico. She’s a “thirteenth generation Taosena” who works on a lot of public sculptures. It’s still primarily a male field, but that is her main job – to be an artist. I couldn’t believe that this woman was making her living as an artist despite all of the hardships that she was experiencing. She was a single mother, divorced and I thought, how in the hell does she do that? I felt like I was living my life halfway, without as much zeal. So she was the real inspiration.
