Monster – a poem by Cristina Dominguez

I’m learning more and more
the space between each l e t t e r
now further apart with you,
now that I’m a part of you,
they aren’t even near
they can’t touch the meaning
inside and around them

they are leaning
trying to see
to understand
to hear in their own echo
the purpose,
the beautiful curse,
that found them first…

usually the story starts
and finds the beauty,
lying in the darkness,
the kind that no one saw
there all along
the hidden familiar
the meant to be
created reality
a meaningless song
that only has meaning
because it has been repeated
for far too long

those stories miss
the perfections in the flaws,
the inflections of light
that live in a darkness
so dense
so permanent in presence
so pregnant with heart-wrenching potential
that sight can’t find them,
our eyes can’t see them,
only once
they give up trying,
close and closed
they open up,
they erupt
and cry
tears breaking
their seals
and lost again

what no one knows
you’ll learn there
white lies
fairy tales
are blinding
and binding

the monster
is a princess
who thinks
who feels
who wants

the monster
is the princess
that is real

the webs we weave
don’t tap into
a tapestry of harmony

but tangled
contorted and tortured
I’m wrapped
in the craft
in the work
that taught me my worth

I’m sleeping
in the clouds
that clear my mind

The nightmare
that we share
is a dream
in the darkness
not ready
to be seen

won’t regret
won’t white wash
sugar coat
or paint over
the pain I feel
the pain
the stir

behind my eyes
behind my lies
the intensity
that keeps me
from staying
in line

stray with me
fall into the spaces
the cracks
and ruins
where what is right
is what feels right

tread in trouble
with me
be buried
in the art
of my arteries

I’m the dragon that guards
the haunted castle
because I know
how the light
and mistakes
the shapes
that lay
the mystery

not ready yet
wait with me
take me back
to where
I never knew
I could start again
to where
I don’t
have to begin

Nothing about
the darkness
goes against
my will

Terror is
the way
they keep you still

you’re circulating
and cultivating
we’re waiting…

happily ever after
means there is a place
where risk and danger
are endangered
where life becomes monotony

the complexity
and endlessness of the dark
unrests me

I forever want to be
the monster
they make of me

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