First Words – a poem by Cristina Dominguez

Hello, hi
Yes, I’m here..
answering a calling
clamming up,
gathering up the courage
How do I do this?
Is it a choice?
The voice that I use
to sing the hymn
that I choose?

I’d say anything
I don’t want to loose
where this is going,
But I’m already lost
I don’t want to be your token girl
failing to capture
the enrapture;
the love that I have
for them

I hear them
expire as they are spoken.
I’m choking on their meaning
as I aspire to
reach the speech
I’m climbing to give,
the life I’m dying to live
trying to sift through
the bullshit
to get to the me
that you can’t see,
that even I doubt
I can be

The one active-
present and pushing
The pen I explored
implored by
the brilliant beckoning
that forced me to
take on this reckoning
to feel around
in my desk drawer
I laid my head back
and tried
with much practical pride
to ignore
my wants
my thoughts
caught up in
where I’m headed
and where I’ve been

That’s why I’m here,
not out of some
insane belief
that I’ve got
the proof
of a gift
or the truth
or enough wit
to hide behind

I’m new to this
but I’m doing this
Because if I left my story untold
I’d age
be old in a way
that will leave me
in bed with regret,
at rest with the best of me
instead of letting it free

Clawing at the page
scrawling out
my rage
my affection
my craving
for the waves of my words
reaching your ears
and returning to me
ample in amplified intensity
and new meaning

I’m here out of fear
taking my step out there
out where
I’m openly
inwardly broken.
Where spoken word
means I’m heard,
where I’m whispering
my way to a scream

One comment

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