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Vagina Monologues @ Hunter College

Vagina Monologues

Friday, Feb 26th @ 7pm
Saturday, Feb 27th @ 2pm and 7pm
543 Hunter North, Hunter College
V-Day is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls. V-Day is a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations. V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) and sexual slavery. This year’s beneficiaries for Hunter College include The Audre Lorde Project, Sanctuary for Family, and The New York Asian Women’s Center (NYAWC). Tickets are $10 and can be purchased at the door or at any VDay table around Hunter.

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/wgsprogram/events-and-announcements

Sexuality, Virginity & “Purity” Series Part 7: Thou Shalt Remain a Virgin until Marriage – The importance of female virginity in the Mormon Church

This series of posts from the community is in preparation for Paradigm Shift’s next event, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women” A Discussion with JESSICA VALENTI, Author & Feministing.com Founder/Editor on TUES, FEB. 23rd, 7pm, NYC. We want to hear your stories. View call for submissions- deadline 2/21- Click here!

by Janice Formichella

Until the age of 19 I was an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Dater Saints, most commonly known as the Mormon Church. Female virginity is a vitally important aspect of the Mormon culture, although the approach is somewhat different than other evangelical groups.

Sex education for Mormon girls can be summed up in one sentence: wait until marriage for any type of sexual activity or you will go to Hell and no Mormon boy will marry you. I was made to believe that my entire future and reputation as a Mormon depended on me saving my virginity for my future husband.

Through high school I attended a small charter school ran by devout members of the Mormon Church. As far as my parents and school leaders were concerned, there was little need for sex education outside the home. The one sex education program I ever attended was a one-night event at the home of a family friend. The parents had organized a night to host the speaker, a well-known abstinence-only educator.

The presentation was meant for teens and everyone attended with his or her parents. The presentation mostly consisted of scary stories of what can happen to you if you have sex. I remember the educator telling us that she had had a boyfriend in high school that she was crazy about. She told us about the first time they held hands and the electricity she felt. Unfortunately, she told us, that electricity soon faded and the couple started French kissing, which also ignited the same electricity, but which was also fleeting. To gain back the excitement, the couple had sex. Not only did the speaker tell us that her boyfriend broke up with her shortly after, her first experience with sex landed her with a STD.

Another thing that I remember about the presentation was the speaker’s lengthy diatribe about the ineffectiveness of condoms. She went on and on with statistics and facts about how condoms do not work and even went as far as to claim that the ineffectiveness of condoms was well known in the industry, as though condom executives are sitting in the board room laughing at all the gullible people out there unknowingly having unprotected sex.

As young Mormon women we were constantly overwhelmed with the concept that our future depended on our chastity. We were given a padded white satin hanger and a white handkerchief to save for our wedding day and were challenged to keep our chastity as pure white as the items. A poem attached to the hanger reads in part:

“So as you dress each morning,
In preparation for a new day,
Let your eyes gaze upon this hanger,
Remember to stand tall,
And with your hanger,
Hang on to “forever.”

The use of the word “forever” is significant because Mormons believe that marriages and families literally last forever, that you will literally be with your husband and children after you die, but only if you are married in the Temple, and you can only be married in the temple if you remain “morally clean.”

The responsibility of guarding virginity is almost exclusively the realm of Mormon women, although men are also required to stay abstinent until marriage. I have three younger brothers and I know for a fact that they never received hangers or hankies to remind them to not loose their way.

As you can see, female sexuality in the Mormon community is not really portrayed as dirty, but rather something that determines your entire destiny.

I had little concept of sexual activity between kissing and intercourse, and when I left the religion I quickly started engaging in risky behavior. I have a very clear understanding of how coming of age sexually would have been much healthier and even happier had I grown up with anyone willing to tell me the truth about sex.

As feminists we need to remember that we don’t exist in a vacuum. We are parents or future parents, aunts, uncles, godmothers, educators, mentors. We need to be cognitive of our own role in shaping how children come to think about sex. Not only do we need to provide the children and teenagers in our lives with accurate information, we need to make sure these young people know they have someone to turn to with questions about their sexuality. The schools play an important role in changing the culture of virginity, but even more important is the role that feminists play in the individual lives of young people as they grow up.

Sexuality, Virginity & “Purity” Series Part 6: A Literary Analysis of Twilight and its Message about Purity

This series of posts from the community is in preparation for Paradigm
Shift’s next event, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women”
A Discussion with JESSICA VALENTI, Author & Feministing.com
Founder/Editor on TUES, FEB. 23rd, 7pm, NYC. We want to hear your
stories. View call for submissions- deadline 2/19- Click here!

by Miriam Rabinovich

– Imagine a world without the concept of virginity and “purity”- what would that look like?

It would be a world without white wedding dresses, and wedding nights without blood-stained sheets, crimson marks that prove purity only through loss. It would be a world without Eve and her daughters, women who can bring the world to its knees by seducing men on theirs; a world without Mary and the cult of female guilt that surrounds the ideal woman – a son’s mother who has never slept with his father. A world without the narrative of children’s innocence might well be a place without pedophiles. A world without “good girls” is a world without snuff films, as the myth of purity perpetuates apathy and aggression toward “loose women.” It would be a world far less invested in the policing of symbolic and embodied boundaries, a world without homophobia, honor killings, eating disorders, and clitorectomies. It would be a world without the sexual hysteria that created the fantasy of the hypersexual black predator out to hunt white virgins cowering in every corner. A world without the concept of virginity and purity is a world without hate.

But perhaps most importantly, it is a world without Edward Cullen. Yes, the un-dead, devastatingly dreamy, adolescent vampire extraordinaire of the Twilight series. Others have noted that the supernatural thriller espouses quotidian views of female purity and encourages abstinence. Bella’s blood is central to the text, it is what Edward and his pale pals sniff for and run from; every look of longing drips with its promise. It’s a story even older than 104 year old Edward, the eternal saga of female “purity,” and the masculine desire to both destroy and preserve. We know this story well and all little girls learn to cross their legs when they play. What interests me, however, is the less explored twin of female purity – male prurience. Fundamentally, what makes a woman sexually pure is her lack of contact with a penis. This is perhaps an obvious point but worth thinking of – for all of the anxiety generally attributed to men when it comes to female sexuality and women’s bodies, how much ambivalence must they have about their own sexuality when it is contact with them that makes women unclean?

Edward’s fear of his impulses is evident in the first film. He warns Bella that he might not be able to control himself around her, evinced early when Bella notices that Edward’s eyes changed color. Uncharacteristically flustered, Edward mumbles something incoherent and rapidly stumbles away from her, ashamed by his lack of control over his body, foreshadowing the constant tension between his dangerous desire for her and his love for her, as though the two can never merge.

The second film is even more apparent in its handling of male sexuality. We now have Jacob vying for Bella’s body as well, but just like Edward he forces her away, fearful of what he might do to her. Jacob is a boy transitioning into a werewolf, coming into his paternalistic legacy, clearly a parable for puberty. He too possesses little control over his bodily impulses. An older werewolf in the film who ripped into his wife’s face in a moment of passion, forever scarring her, acts as the warning of what men can do to women if they aren’t careful.

So we have two adolescent boys in physical flux and for both of them adult male sexuality means lack of physical control and (possible) violence against women. They pass on to Bella what has been taught to them and insist that she be scared of what they can do to her, of the beast that emerges when a kiss lingers a moment too long, of the loss of control when she comes a shade too close, of the danger when she dare desire as much as they. With Twilight we have not only the reinforcement of the female virginity and purity myth, but also the criminalization of male sexuality, both of which work symbiotically to perpetuate distorted views of gender and eroticism. Though much has been made of Bella’s body, critics have been more reticent about the construction of male sexuality – the arguments rarely evolve past the danger these boys pose to Bella’s sanctity. We have to move past this allegedly natural sinister male sexuality and explore the cultural investments in constructing male sexuality as dangerous, impulsive, and ultimately – in Twilight literally – disfiguring to both men and women.

The mutability of the disobedient body, its spontaneous shape-shifting and surprising fluidity, most pronounced during adolescence, seems to me to be a paradigm of the way female bodies have been constructed and described through all of their phases. It is plausible that adolescent boys on the cusp of puberty come closest to the culturally constructed descriptions of female embodiment. While this small space of flux is a site of massive potential for empathy and communal experiences, it currently functions as precisely the opposite. It becomes a time of delineating your borders, summoning your troops to the front line, and defining the male body as hard, strong, stable, and in control. And when it isn’t in control, it must be blamed on the female body that causes his defenses to crumble and rapidly consolidated into sexual aggression. So long as we refuse to create paradigms for the lack of self control that are not negative and weak, instead of say playful, productive, and transformative, men will always hold women culpable for their “weakness,” and thus project on to her the dirt he discovers in himself.

If masculine sexuality were not about possession, then female bodies would not be commodities, decreasing in value as soon as they have been opened. So long as male desire is constructed as criminal and something that – at its most intense – has the power to destroy, eroticism between men and women will always hinge on the palpable possibility of violence, and so a woman who wants is so often a woman who is asking for it.

We must defang male desire and provide adolescent boys with different constructions of masculinity, one that isn’t gnarled with skewed visions of strength and power. If we begin to deconstruct cultural criminalization of male sexuality, we will begin to unsettle the pure/impure dichotomy that has haunted the desiring female body since the time of antiquity. So long as male desire is viewed as a crouching creature always about to pounce, there will always be two types of women in the world – the one who helps him overcome himself and the one to whom he flees when the moon is full and his body howls.

Ultimately, this construction of masculinity is about reaffirming the heterosexual imperative and “traditional” values – the angel in the house will cleanse his sins after he confesses to depravity. Internal strife, inevitable sin, perpetual longing, crippling guilt, cherubic absolution – Edward’s desire for Bella is a biblical anachronism. So many of the distortions and anxieties around sexuality, female purity, and male aggression find their birth in Genesis, and loyally continue their evolution throughout the bible. A world without the concept of virginity and purity is a godless world. Amen to that.

Sexuality, Virginity & “Purity” Series Part 5: Artwork and Poem by Penny Girl Pearl

This series of posts from the community is in preparation for Paradigm
Shift’s next event, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women”
A Discussion with JESSICA VALENTI, Author & Feministing.com
Founder/Editor on TUES, FEB. 23rd, 7pm, NYC. We want to hear your
stories. View call for submissions- deadline 2/19- Click here!

By Penny Girl Pearl

“A Kiss for Uncle Sam”

“Hiding from Her”
Hiding from her
My tournament of pain
Love is not lost
But frozen in vain

What have I done?
What have I gained?
Where do I begin?
Why must you remain?

Lost
Lost in this reply
Listen
Listen to my cry

Don’t you want to know?
Know what happened to me
Whisper, whisper
Whisper it’s me

Still
Still you return
Feed
Feed this aching burn

I know you
Don’t you realize?
I’m the one you loved
Loved without lies

What have I done?
What have I gained?
Where do I begin?
Why must you remain?

Memories flood
Flow like wine
Don’t let go
Let go in due time

Stop
Stop, wait
Stay
Stay true to fate

What have I done?
What have I gained?
Where do I begin?
Why must you remain?

Loss
Loss I must part
Stay
Stay in my heart

Sexuality, Virginity & “Purity” Series Part 4: Queering Virginity

This series of posts from the community is in preparation for Paradigm
Shift’s next event, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women”
A Discussion with JESSICA VALENTI, Author & Feministing.com
Founder/Editor on TUES, FEB. 23rd, 7pm, NYC. We want to hear your
stories. View call for submissions- deadline 2/19- Click here!

by Morgan Boecher

Is there such a thing as queer virginity? The argument could be made that virginity is just another convention of the hetero-norm, not unlike how some people view marriage as an inherently heterosexual institution. The idea of virginity is not terribly practical, just as marriage is not necessary for survival. Looking at the traditional meaning of virginity as a gauge for a woman’s “purity,” in conjunction with contemporary rituals such as purity balls, which obviate the fact that virginity is largely about controlling women, it might as well be left out of queer culture.

However, there are plenty of unsavory customs that permeate American society and clash with queer lives. The surest way to subvert them is by giving them new definitions. Many people have appropriated the marriage tradition to work in a queer context. Perhaps virginity can also be reclaimed.

Queer sex is necessarily different from the monogamous, heterosexual affair; therefore it automatically alters the traditional concept of virginity as the state of a woman before she has been penetrated by a penis. Meandering from that construct could lead to a plethora of exciting places.

Before exploring there, though, I would like to find a word other than “non-virgin” to describe the state of after one has had sexual intercourse. Just like how it is detrimental to have one’s political group known as “anti-” something (e.g.: anti-choice, anti-federalists), it doesn’t help those who are proud of their sexual experiences to be called non-virgins. So let me know if you come up with a good alternative.

About queer virginity, though, since it means basically anything but the norm, one sees a great deal of subjectivity come into play. An example may be a 40-year-old lesbian with a husband and children who is yet to have intimate relations with a woman. Virginity may apply to someone who has not had pleasurable, consensual sex before, but who has had the misfortune of experiencing the other kind. Perhaps a transwoman who is yet to receive bottom surgery considers herself a virgin. One case where virginity might not even be relevant is with an asexual person.

Virginity here becomes a unique and personal story for each individual, rather than a sorting method of who is and isn’t “pure.” If the idea of virginity has to stick around, I would say that reclaiming the concept is a step toward a brighter, queerer future.

NARAL Event: “Obvious Child” Screening and Reproductive Health Act Activism

Monday, February 22, 8 pm
The Tea Lounge
837 Union St.
Brooklyn, NY
FREE!
Join us for a screening of Obvious Child, a short romantic comedy about a Brooklyn gal who has an unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, and a great first date in an unlikely location. Activists from NARAL Pro-Choice New York will be there to talk about how you can help pass the Reproductive Health Act, a critical bill that will protect the fundamental right of a woman and her doctor to make private medical decisions here in New York State.
On Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=345168916336&ref=nf

Sexuality, Virginity & “Purity” Series Part 3: “I WASN’T RAPED” – WHAT?

This series of posts from the community is in preparation for Paradigm Shift’s next event, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women”  A Discussion with JESSICA VALENTI, Author & Feministing.com Founder/Editor on TUES, FEB. 23rd, 7pm, NYC. We want to hear your stories. View call for submissions- deadline 2/21- Click here!

By Ingrid, Originally posted Whereisyourline.org

I lost my virginity junior year of High School, and compared to my friend’s first times, I was pretty late. When I would ask them about their first times, they would smile and proceed to tell me all the juicy details. I’ve always been a curious girl; I used to lie in bed when I was younger and touch myself, becoming acquainted with my pussy. Around fifth grade I discovered romance novels, via Danielle Steel, and reread steamy sex scenes and let them play out in my head. So naturally, I was very anxious to have sex. I ‘lost’ it to a guy five years older than my sixteen year-old self, but it was consensual and I was more than ready to get it over with. ‘Lost’ is a funny word to use since I didn’t lose it. I know where it went.

Fast-forward two years and a couple of months, and I’m lying on my bed in my dorm that I share with my roommate Vanessa (whose name I changed to protect her identity). Vanessa and I instantly became friends; we both have boyfriends, we’re both Latina, and we both love to eat. I don’t know if it was my array of women’s studies books or my reproductive system bandana hanging from my wall, but she felt comfortable talking to me about sex. Our conversation evolved from which positions we like best to what our first times were like. But instead of laughing it up, I started getting really pissed throughout her first time story. Vanessa couldn’t tell if her first time was consensual or if it was rape. She justified it, since at the time, he was her boyfriend.

Vanessa’s story goes like this: She met Jose (not his name) when she was seventeen through friends, and the first time they hung out, it was her first time getting really drunk. They started making out, which led to dry-humping, which led to them moving into a bedroom. He started to finger her and she told him to stop so he stopped, and told her he wanted to respect her since he grew up with women and his dad was always in jail. After that, they started going out, and after a month he told her he loved her. A month after that, she snuck out of her house (which was becoming routine) and went to Jose’s. They were drinking, and Vanessa felt drunk off a few beers. He drank the same amount as she did, said he was drunk too. They started making out on a couch in his living room. Vanessa realized later that he was faking drunk, since it normally took him about six times the amount he drank that night. He turned the couch into a bed and without her knowing, he got up to get a condom. He got naked, got on top of her and asked, “Are you sure?” All she could do was nod her head. She told me that she felt pressured into having sex, and once they started doing it, she couldn’t wait for him to get off cause it hurt so much. Afterward, he left her there crying so he could go to sleep in his room.

Months later, she started questioning him about that night, he would angrily ask her “what are you implying?” so she dropped it. When she asked her friends about it, they told her to not worry, because it’s “just sex”. But it’s not just sex. Sex doesn’t make you replay every action in your head, finding all the ways to blame yourself.  Even if he was your boyfriend and you wanted to please him; if he really loved you then he would respect you.

This semester, I moved to a different dorm and one of my roommates told me a similar story about her first time. He wasn’t her boyfriend, but he was a guy at school that she had a crush on.  She also couldn’t tell if it was rape, or if being forced the  first time was normal. Why were my friends scared to admit that it was rape, because their friends were telling them not to worry about it?

If we call these experiences what they are – rape, would that even be helpful? I think that it would be. Let’s not forget the definition of the word. By being silent, you are being violent towards yourself. You are denying yourself the right to speak up and be heard. It’s up to you if want to Phoolan-Devi-it or whatnot, but by letting those assholes off the hook, we all let them know that they can get away with anything. And we, as listeners, need to not minimize these stories when we hear them.

Vanessa is in a great relationship right now, with a man who loves and respects her. Everyone deserves both, or at least respect, especially for their first time.

Read comments:

http://whereisyourline.org/2010/02/i-wasnt-raped-what/

March Across the Brooklyn Bridge for Health Care & the ‘Change Agenda’

March Across the Brooklyn Bridge for Health Care & the ‘Change Agenda’

Call Out the Special Interests and their Political Obstructionists
that are stopping ‘Change’ in Washington!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20TH

11:30 a.m. – Gather at Cadman Plaza in Brooklyn
12 noon – March across Brooklyn Bridge
1:00 p.m. – Rally outside NYC offices of Wellpoint Insurance
One Liberty Plaza, Broadway & Liberty Street in Manhattan

Bring posters, signs, and banners!

• AMERICA VOTED FOR CHANGE. Washington must move forward on a Change Agenda!
• HEALTH CARE IS THE WEDGE ISSUE FOR THE CHANGE AGENDA. If health care moves, so does everything else: jobs and labor law reform, climate change, financial services reform, and immigration reform.
• WASHINGTON MUST FINISH THE JOB ON HEALTH CARE. Get health care reform done, get it done right, and get it done now!
• THE SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THEIR POLITICAL SHILLS ARE STOPPING HEALTH CARE AND THE CHANGE AGENDA – health insurers, drug companies, banks and Wall St. firms, business trade groups.

Organized by Barack Obama Democratic Club, Center for Independence of the Disabled in NY, Citizen Action of NYC, Committee of Interns and Residents SEIU Healthcare, Communications Workers of America, Downtown East for Obama, Eric’s Law, Health Care for All NY, Metro NY Health Care for All Campaign, MoveOn, National Physicians Alliance, NW Bronx for Change, NY-DSA, NY Immigration Coalition, NYers for Accessible Health Coverage, NYC for Change, NYS Nurses Assoc., Public Health Assoc. of NYC, Raising Women’s Voices for the Health Care We Need, UWS Baby Boomers for Change, Queens County for Change, Tribeca for Change, Westchester Health Care Reform Task Force, Young Invincibles

For more information or to sign-on as a sponsor, contact nycforchange.health@gmail.com or 212-925-1829.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=330857375041

Paradigm Shift Co-Sponsored Event: The National Council for Research on Women presents: From Turbulence to Transformation

presents

From Turbulence to Transformation

Wednesday, March 3, 2010 – 3:00 – 5:00 pm
At Goldman Sachs, 32 Old Slip, 2nd Floor AuditoriumNew York, NY
Sponsored by

Deloitte

At this critical yet promising moment in history, join our panel of visionary leaders for an in-depth exploration of the most pressing issues of our time.  What are the challenges and opportunities for advancing real and substantive social change that creates a better world for women and girls? Panelists will share their vision, strategies, and the action steps needed to promote more equitable and inclusive societies locally, nationally and globally

Welcome:
Linda Basch, President, National Council for Research on Women
Featured Speakers Include:
Melanne Verveer, U.S. Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women’s Issues
Edith Cooper, Managing Director, Global Head of Human Capital Management at Goldman Sachs
Letty Chiwara, Manager, UNIFEM Cross Regional Programmes (invited)
Jacki Zehner, Founding Partner, Circle Financial Group (moderator)

Co-sponsors: Paradigm Shift: New York City’s Feminist Community, Americans for UNFPA; Center for Women in Government & Civil Society at SUNY Albany; Demos: A Network for Ideas & Action; Gender Studies Program, John Jay College of Criminal Justice, CUNY; Institute for Research on Women and Gender, Columbia University; New York Women Social Entrepreneurs; US National Committee for UNIFEM; The White House Project; Women of Color Policy Network, NYU Wagner;  Equal Pay Coalition; New York Women’s Agenda;  Wolf Means Business; Women’s Forum, Inc.

PLEASE RSVP via e-mail to rsvp@ncrw.org, or call 212-785-7335, ext. 100.

This program will precede the Council’s Making a Difference for Women Awards Dinner at Cipriani Wall Street on March 3, 2010.  For more information, please contact the NCRW Benefit Office, c/o Production Collective at 914-628-0330, ncrw@productioncollective.com, or visit our website athttp://www.ncrw.org/events/events.htm#awards.

Screening of Stephanie Daley Conversation with Director Hilary Brougher

Start Time: Friday, March 5 at 7:00pm
End Time: Friday, March 5 at 9:30pm
Where: 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street

To see more details and RSVP, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?event.php&eid=350684149061&mid=1e3e019G28c4717dG4183937G7

Released in 2007 to great reviews, Stephanie Daley is the film that deal with reproductive rights and teenage sexuality that Juno wishes it was. The shame is that so few people saw it.

Come and watch the film and hear director Hilary Brougher talk about the film with Melissa Silverstein of Women & Hollywood.

Purchase tickets: Click here

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